Sumiko Saulson

As a young Black girl, in the late 70s, when I was in 5th grade, I remember one day our teacher gave us a lecture about how they’d done a study and learned that girls, and especially Black girls, were not learning as well because we teachers ignored our raised hands in class. This was an early lesson in privilege. Little white boys learned that if they raised their hands, their questions would be answered. Black girls learned ours would be ignored, and eventually we stopped raising our hands. We were taught not to occupy space.

When the society sends out messages telling you that you aren’t to occupy space, and other people have been subliminally indoctrinated to treat you as though you don’t deserve to occupy as much space, time and attention – then you have to counter stereotypes of the “loud” and “aggressive” Black woman, which are designed to double down on the idea that you should be sidelined, less important, and all things should be centered around men and white people, particularly white men, but also white women in groups of women white center.

My Black mother talked to me in my 20s about additional stereotypes white culture has for mixed race Black women, as a Trojan horse hidden usurper who was still vilified even if white people stole the estate she rightfully inherited from her father (Bertha Mason), tragic mulatto, white passing pretender (Imitation of Life). She taught me that the Uppity Black Girl stereotypes also clung to Uppity Yellow Girls, and that the cred checking, and treating me as though I was undeserving were a part of the macroculture, which taught Black women to settle for crumbs from its table.So my parents taught me to hold my head up high and act just as entitled as the American macroculture, doing my best to ignore those who resented me feeling equal.

Posted in Everything Else

Last night I had occasion to give my “consent is greater than confidentiality” lecture once again. Kevin Spacey is an extremely high profile example of why this is true. For three decades, Spacey took advantage of people’s moral positions about protecting closeted people’s identities to hide his sexual misconduct and abuse of minors.

A person who has been a victim of sexual abuse has the right to out their victimizer, period. The victimizer’s closeted status as a queer or a kinky person is NEVER greater than the victim’s rights.

Closeting has LONG been a construct that protects abusers in situations where they have more power than the people they abuse.These situations include: cismen dating transwomen in closet situations who commit domestic violence, economic abuse, and sexual violence; child molesters and statutory rapists, closeted bisexual people in down-low relationships with gay/lesbian partners who commit domestic violence, economic abuse, and sexual violence. Grown men who hire underage transgender prostitutes do not have a right to protection from “outing” when it is used to pressure said transgirls into silence and sweep the abuse of underage transwomen under the rug.

The kink community should follow the LGBTQ community’s example and begin to explicitly make the right to closeting / not be outed a right of considerably lesser magnitude than the right to protection from economic, sexual, and domestic abuse.

To refuse to do so is to allow passing privilege to continue to make the most marginalized and vulnerable people unsafe. Further, and this is very important: Transpeople and gay people and lesbians do not OWE IT to straight passing cis people to be available for clandestine hook-ups or down-low relationships and don’t have to “settle for” that kind of relationship, and are allowed to want the same respect and social clout as straight to straight passing people who are in socially condoned mainstream relationships. Queer people in closeted relationships are at a lot greater risk for psychological, physical, emotional, and economic abuse.

Posted in Everything Else

Posted in Everything Else