TMInet – Social Networking of the Future
Short Story – Sci Fi – Humor – we HOPE.
DATELINE: May 22, 2018 – BREAKING NEWS. The long battle for dominance over the social networking market seems to have come to an end now that industry latecomer TMInet’s central core has achieved sentience. “This is really exciting!” Dr. Jordan Luftzig, the worlds leading authority on artificial intelligence exclaimed at a recent press conference.
Others are not so sure.
” I guess I should have read the end user agreement more thoroughly,” admitted Dorsey Graymore, a member of the beta test group for the program’s auto-logging function and until two months ago, a second grade teacher at Beluga Elementary School in Concord, California.
“I thought it sounded cool… very cutting edge. The auto-logging function would give your entire friend network spontaneous updates on whatever you were doing. I was so naive.”
Ms. Graymore was fired shortly after TMInet posted the following:
DORSEY GRAYMORE is spiking her coffee with Jack Daniels Whiskey
She was in the classroom at the time.Since the program achieved sentience early last week, the problem has multiplied for everyone.
“I didn’t know what was going on,” Mark Durt told this reporter. He was the first person to notice the “glitch” in the system which turned out, as we now know, to be the start of what would become the first documented case of an artificial life form.
“I didn’t even opt for the auto logging function. It kind of just turned itself on. I kept trying to turn it off, but it wouldn’t go off. The next thing I knew, it was auto-adding everyone I’d ever met in my life. I mean, people I didn’t even know but just stood next to in the elevator on the way to work, were popping up like crazy. I now have 3,500,301 people in my network, and it just keeps going up every time I look. And it posts EVERYTHING about them, I mean, EVERYTHING. The last time I looked it was telling me that someone named Amy Dunaway had just popped a pimple on her ass. Seriously. I did not need to know that. Seriously. I barely know her.”
When last seen, Mr. Durt was telling this reporter that he was living in mortal terror of all communication devices and had learned more than he ever wanted to know about women’s unique bodily functions – and not so unique ones, sucking all of the life and mystery out of his 10 year marriage to Bertha Durt. They are as of this writing, in divorce court.
THIS JUST IN: According to TMInet, Mr. Durt could not be found on the day of his court date and had like many others, “gone off the grid”.
~ by Sumiko Saulson on August 15, 2012.