Her Independence Day

I sought my independence with legs as wobbly as a toddler taking her first steps. I walked away from your cold indifference and I sought the warmth of loving acongratsitsarms. I dropped down to my knees, and I picked up my tired from off the floor.

“You don’t have to try so hard, little one,” I said gently.

“Some people will never understand you.  You will never be good enough for some people. But you can’t live for them, my love. You gotta live for you now. I know it’s not easy.”

I was confused, because I lived for others all my life, and I lived for you most of all. There were so many times I looked to you to love me. There were so many times you were disappointed. I could hurt someone else for loving you, someone innocent who never put me in harm’s way. I could lose my faith in mankind for trusting you. I shouldn’t trust you to be anything but who you are.

Love is unconditional, but relationships are not. They are conditional, and boundaries have to be set. I’m so soft and easy and you step all over me. When you hurt me, you say it’s my fault. But it is not my fault that I am hurt, and I am not overly sensitive.

It is you who are brutally cruel.

Do you think your insensitivity makes you strong? I believe that it makes you weak. All of the people who were open and vulnerable with you that you used and sucked dry. There were so many people who cared. How you made them pay for their concern.

Maybe you can’t help yourself, the way my cat can’t help hunting birds. Maybe it is just your nature, and if I want to survive, I need to spread my wings and fly away. Because a cat can’t really love a bird, now can she?

~ by Sumiko Saulson on July 4, 2015.

4 Responses to “Her Independence Day”

  1. Thank you so much for this. You’ve hit on exactly how I feel with a majority of people right now, my silent audience especially, as well as the haters who’ve made matters that much worse in what I’ve worked so hard for. It’s so true about being stepped on and the callousness that comes out from the cold online world, as well as the loved ones who promised never to hurt us but continued to anyway while denying what they were doing.

    I’ve discovered on my journey there are so many lonely and hurt individuals and the arguments we’ve received against being who we are discloses an insidious method of keeping us apart. Heaven knows if people like us were together we could change the world or a large community for the greater good. But we can’t have that now, can we?

  2. Love this. Incredibly powerful and chock full of amazing insight and imagery.

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