63-songsIn the movie “Say Anything,” there’s a character played byLili Taylor named Corey Flood. She’s a talented singer/songwriter who is in love with a shallow guy named Joe, and even though their relationship is fail, she writes excellent songs about him.

Now, Corey is not the star of this movie. She’s a supporting actress, and she’s comic relief. A lot of times, I feel like that girl. Maybe I’m not in bad company, really. Because Billie Holiday was that girl, and Janis Joplin was that girl. Girls like that usually die of a drug overdose and a broken heart, but I’ve stubbornly insisted on continuing to live.

And I can be very happy at times. I’m happy most of the time.

But there’s always someone around who can’t let that happen. There’s always someone who feels a deep seated urge to let you know that you’re really not pretty enough to be allowed to play the romantic lead in your own life. You’re too fat – or maybe you’re too skinny. Perhaps you’re too short, or too tall. You might be too nerdy. Maybe you’re too ethnic. Maybe you wear glasses. Maybe you’re to serious. Maybe you’re not serious enough.

But whatever it is, you’re not good enough.

Your love is not real. Real love occurs between two pretty people in a Hollywood movie. You’re not Ione Skye. You’re a character actress. Character actors may be able to “pull that off” but come on now… you’re not a man. You can’t do what Dustin Hoffman or Peter Dinklage can do.

You’re the comic relief, Corey. You’re the comic relief, Rizzo. If this is Stella Got Her Groove Back, you’re whoever the hell Whoopi Goldberg is playing. And anyway, you’re not a real person. You’re a body.

A not pretty enough body.

Oh, but I am so angry, and I am so over you, Joe. I’ll be writing fictional stories to my imaginary lover, because I’m in too much pain to imagine ever having anything that’s real.

~ by Sumiko Saulson on August 25, 2015.

3 Responses to “Bodies”

  1. Wow. So bizarre… there are still people not celebrating the differences? Well, I suppose so. That’s the amazing thing about what I’ve discovered. My inner-tourette’s style judgement call on someone’s looks has altered a ton since I got to know people online through text first and then later phone calls. Photos have come somewhat later at times and that old self that judges looks has been a quieter entity. The content of their character is foremost on my mind and with knowledge of their face my heart warms to see a photo of them.

    I hear you on the loneliness bigtime. I am lucky to have my chap and he grew on me even as he’s balding now. That aspect used to bother me. Now? I never notice. I see the smile and hear the voice I know. Still, watching friends waste their time with useless things to be occupied by makes me angry and feel very unloved and uncared for and my temper blows again. My actions make me feel like I’m not good enough, or the neglect makes me feel that. It’s a reaction to the disconnect going on now. So many of us have so much to give and so much to enjoy with each other but it’s like we can’t find those people and they are out there. We are all in this together.

    You’re good enough to me Sumiko. As always, to you and others, feel free to send an email. I remember how to chat and I remember how it works. I’ve studied it my whole life. ❤

    (Meanwhile I have The Addams Family on. They sure know how to celebrate the dark and unique. To them, that's "normal". ^_^ )

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: