Sumiko Saulson

As promised, here is the complete story in three rounds of the “The Case of the Confounded Chiropterologist,” a work of flash fiction written at MileHighCon in three rounds during Flash Fiction Chopped, a contest hosted by Meg Ward. I tied for first place. Here is my winning piece, along with all of the prompts we were given.

Round 1

Character: Chiropterologist

Location: Public Library

Conflict: Do Nilla Wafers Belong in Banana Pudding?

Maurice had come to the library simply to study bats for his figure career as a chiropterologist. He’d, in fact, come across a strange specimen in his fieldwork and wanted to see if his discovery was unique and could become the subject of his thesis paper. The books he needed were nowhere to be found, but thank goodness for microfiche!

He got into line for the librarian – but as he awaited, two ruffians engaged in a loud argument about the value of nilla wafers in banana pudding. It was growing louder, and the two erupted into fisticuffs!

The librarian ran over to break it up, but to her shock and dismay, they began pelting eachother with wafers and pudding!

The smell of pudding awakened the fossilized bad in Maurice’s pocket, and it flew to the ruffians and drank their blood.

Round 2

Character: 8-month-old Baby Whose First Word is “Uh Oh”

Location: Police Station

Conflict: Indecent Exposure

The police detective was aghast as the two bloodied, Nilla wafer-covered ruffians entered the interrogation room. Maurice waited outside, to be called in for his report later.

The strange, hungry bat was hidden in his pocket. It burst forth, shredding his jeans, in front of a young mother and her 8-month-old baby!

“Indecent exposure!” the policeman shouted as Maurnce tried to cover his torn underpants.

“Don’t look!” the baby’s mother screamed, covering the child’s eyes.

“Uh oh!” shouted the baby.

“Joey’s first words!” the mother said excitedly, as Maurice stood sadly, covering his shame.

His indiscretion was soon forgotten, as the agitated bat latched onto a police detective’s jugular vein, letting loose a stream of crimson blood, jetting forth as a geyser. It hit the terrified librarian in the face, and she turned to run out of the room, but the librarian did nothing but attract the bat, who tore into the librarian’s face as she covered her eyes.

The terrified toddler’s mother vomited.

Round 3

Character: Jason (Friday 13th)

Location: Pub

Conflict: Whether or not the Empire State Building should be 3 feet taller

The pub was filled at happy hour when a drunken brawl broke out between Angus and Larry.

“They should have changed the building laws!” Larry screamed.

“The Empire State Building is shorter by 30 feet for a reason. Earthquakes!”

“It’s not in San Francisco!” Larry shot back. Right then, a weird bat flew through the door, and began to chew into Larry’s face, tearing off most of his lower jaw. Blood spurted everywhere!

The rest of the patrons ran to escape, but they could not! Jason from Friday the 13th was in the door. He ran at Angus and chopped his head off. The hungry bat ran at it and ate the eye.

Just then, Maurice burst in, torn underwear flapping in the wind, and screamed, “I’ll save you!”

“You look ridiculous,” Jason said, which stunned everyone because Jason never spoke.

“Uh oh!” Maurice cried out, spotting Jason, and started to flee. 

Right then,, the police showed up and shot Jason. They were distracted as the zombified Angus and Larry, drunk and inebriated, rose hungry from the floor.

It’s a good thing that one of them was headless and the other jawless so they could eat no one.

“It’s the revenge of the zombie bat!” Maurice screamed, just before the heroic librarian arrived, with the microfiche needed for Maurice to save the day!

~ by Sumiko Saulson on November 2, 2023.

Posted in Everything Else